Fading Away
by jaks-phantom
Summary: James is suffering because everyday he lives the person he loves looks straight through him. What measures will he take to end his pain? Lucius x James Slash. Plus Sirius x Remus, Snape x OMC


Title: Fading Away  
Pairings : Lucius/James, Sirius/Remus, Snape/OMC.  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter characters or the universe they belong to J.K Rowling. I do however own the plot and Mark as they are my own. I am not making any money out of this.  
Summary: James is emtionally suffering as everyday the person he loves looks right through him. What drastic measures will he take to end his pain?

This is the first chapter if i get some good reviews then i shall continue as quick as i can. Thanks :)

* * *

James sat contemplating his life at its current stage. Many things complicated and feelings all over the place. Falling in love at anytime is difficult but falling in love on the edge of war is just tragic. Even thought safe and tucked away at Hogwarts the war was still affecting wizards all over the country.

The first day back and Lucius Malfoy had already been named Head Boy of Hogwarts, Lily Evans following close behind as Head Girl. James received pats on the back and many "oh wells" but none really mattered. The mask he held in place was slowly starting the crack seeing everyday the one he loved ignore him or hurt him.

He kept his feelings to himself, who would understand how one could fall for such a man? He did not truly understand himself. His friends and followers admired his courage and brains, not understanding it was trying to attract the attention of one that always looked straight through him. Never once did James think that his feelings could be returned.

Lives can be shattered in the blink of an eye many collapsing after the harsh words said or actions taken by someone they truly care about. Friends and family try to understand and help but none can understand the feeling unless the situation has happened to them. James's mind was searching through everyone he would unintentionally hurt if he decided to take his life. Was it worth it? Was it worth the pain others would feel after his passing? He did not know.

"James?" Severus appeared behind him, carefully approaching the boy sitting way to close to the edge. As got closer he saw the tear tracks marking the boys face and carefully pulled him into a hug.

James had no idea what came over him and broke down. All the feelings bottled up inside him flowed freely as his friend held him. His friend slowly rocked him as he sobbed freely into his shoulder. As he felt Severus place a gentle kiss to his forehead he heard a small movement behind him.

Lucius Malfoy stood in the arched doorway, the moonlight reflecting on his long silvery blonde hair. Severus looked up shocked as Lucius entered the circular room.

"How could you betray me like this? How could you come up here doing this knowing how I felt? And with him? With Potter this dirty slut? I trusted you" Lucius asked the pair, the deep hurt he was feeling showing only in his deep grey eyes. The pair did not move, seeing this and feeling his heart shatter, he fled the room.

Tears started afresh in James's eyes. He looked up and saw the pained expression on his friends face. He did not understand. What did he do to make Lucius believe he was like that. As Severus looked into James's hurt brown eyes he saw James's heart crumble.

James stood and moved to the edge of the tower. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope and handed it to Severus how was now currently standing a little way behind him. He looked down at his left hand and pulled of his ebony ring imprinted with diamonds.

"Please give the letter to Sirius and Remus and tell them im sorry and the ring, please give that to Lucius with my deepest apologies". With one look down he turned to face the man behind him. "Thankyou Severus but im sorry I have to end this, there is nothing left for me now"

James took one step over the edge and then there was no more.

Severus ran the edge and leaned over. There lying among a flower bed was one of his few friends. As he looked at the items in his hands a lone tear made its way down his ivory cheek.

As he quickly descended the astronomy tower stairs he realised what a tragic mistake Lucius had done in assuming that James held feeling for anyone else but him.

Severus ran through the castle doors and out into the chilly ground. As he made his way around to were James's body lay among the young flowers the feeling of despair hung in the air. What would happen now that James had fallen?

James lay among the flower bed, his face peaceful and tilted towards the sky.

As soon as he spotted him Severus was running towards him. He cradled James's head in his lap and wept. Did the person responsible for this great loss fully understand he had just lost the only person he truly cared about?

* * *

James was placed in a bed at the end of the hospital wing. His hands folded and his expression peaceful. As his two best friends, A Sirius Black and one Remus Lupin entered the wing a letter was handed to them. As Remus approached the bed and his dear friend, he was unable to stay composed and broke down in Sirius's arms. 

Sirius was unable to do anything but hold his partner as he cried. Tears fell down Sirius's cheeks as he stared at his former best friend. The man in his arms had stopped sobbing but was still breathing rather heavily. He pried Remus away from his chest and titled his face up towards him. Seeing the tears in Remus's eyes broke his heart and he leaned down to gently kiss his lips. After pulling away he looked down at the letter still clutched in his hand. He slowly but carefully pulled out the thin piece of parchment. As his eyes slowly started to scan the last words written by his best friend he started to read aloud.

"I must start by saying im sorry to everyone Ive hurt. I never wanted to end my life this way, I always wanted to grow old with the person I loved but that isn't possible now. Its not their fault that I decided I could not continue living. Its not their fault that I fell in love with them and still do. Following I have written something for everyone that meant something to me…

To Sirius Orion Black,  
You have always been there for me when I needed support or a laugh. You are a brother to me and I hope that you never forget that. You have found happiness with Remus and I don't want you to ever let him go. I'll miss you, you silly git.

To Remus J Lupin,  
Ill be forever glad that I met you on that memorable day even if you were more focused on Sirius than anyone else. You have always been a wonderful friend and I hope that you never forget that. Take care of yourself and Sirius.

To Lily Evans,  
Im sorry but you are not the holder of my heart. Many believed that you were but you still were a wonderful friend to me. I hope that you find happiness and never forget those who care for you.

To Severus Snape,  
Many would be thinking you bother thanking that slimy snake. Even if you are one you are still one of my greatest friends. Sirius is probably laughing at this right now and Remus please smack him. Please don't forget you friends they are always there to help and im sorry that I am not able to. Also if you love someone please let them know before it is too late.

To My Parents,  
Mum and Dad, please don't blame yourself for this. It was my decision even if it was a bad one. I love you and ill never forget you.

And finally to the love of my life, Lucius Malfoy,  
Lucius I love you and that's probably the simplest way to explain my feelings. Before you doubt this, please I have always loved you. You are not the reason for my death and please do not blame yourself, I just could not go on living when I knew that you would and could never return my feelings for you. Im so sorry but I will always love you.

James Potter"

Both Sirius and Remus had tears running down their faces. Remus looked up at Sirius, "We should tell him and give him the letter, I think James would have wanted that" Sirius nodded.

* * *

The hospital wing doors banged open and Lucius Malfoy came striding in. "What happened? Where's James?" he asked the moment he spotted Sirius and Remus. Sirius just dropped his gaze to the floor and handed him the letter.

As Lucius's eyes slowly scanned the piece of parchment, tears began to slowly slip down his face. He let the letter fall the floor and made his way to the be in the corner of the room. His breathing stopped as he stared at the figure laying completely still on the bed. His tears started fresh as he noticed he was not breathing. He moved to the bed and cradled his body in his arms, rocking him back and forth, forever whispering "Im sorry" into deaf ears.

Both Sirius and Remus thought it was probably best to leave Lucius alone at the moment and they both quietly excited the hospital wing.

Lucius looked down at the cold body of the man he loved and tried to blink away tears. It was all his fault, if he had never called James those names and then assumed that he sleeping with Severus then maybe, just maybe James could be laying safe in his arms not cold in a hospital bed waiting for his parents to officialise his death.

The Head of the hospital approached the bed and the two men currently lying on it.

"Excuse me but you must go, it's the end of visiting time and I must cover the body" she quietly told Lucius who was still clutching James's body. Lucius looked up at her, tears still pooling in his eyes.

"Isn't there anything you can do? You're a witch for goodness sake!" Lucius screamed at her the tears that he had trying to stop from falling starting to stain his cheeks.

The Matron looked at him apologetically and shook her head, "No there is nothing I can do unless someone gives him their magical energy then im sorry but he is gone forever".

"Please anything, I need to save him. How do I give him my magical energy?" Lucius looked from the still form of his love to the shocked eyes of the school's matron.

"If you gave him your magical energy then you would fall into a deep coma and would probably never awaken again. So you would end up saving him but in the end you would be basically destroying yourself" The matron told him, her eyes falling to the floor as she realised just what lengths he was willing to go too to save this particular young man.

"If it's the only thing that is going to bring James back from the dead, then im going to do it. Im the reason that we wanted to kill himself and succeeded so I'm going to do everything in my power to give him the life he deserves" Lucius whispered as he closed his eyes and placed a gentle kiss to James's cold forehead.

"If you are sure then we will be able to do the procedure tomorrow morning before breakfast. So I suggest that you say goodbye to anyone that you feel you need to. I must warn you though, there isn't much of a chance that you will wake up after transferring you magical energy into this mans body. He will however live" The matron told him as he placed James's head back on the pillow.

"Yes, thankyou I will be back tomorrow" Lucius told her as he walked past and out of the hospital wing, tears still silently slipping down his face. As people passed him in the corridors he received many an odd look, it wasn't often you saw the oldest Malfoy show open emtotion.

* * *

When Lucius reached the Gryffindor tower's portrait he was refused entry. He was genuinly lucky when the Fat Lady granted him entrance after noticing the current state he was in. On entering the common room decked out in red and gold he noticed Sirius and Remus sitting quietly together on a couch in the corner. He slowly made his way towards them, ignoring the looks and whispers from the other occupants of the room.

As he approached Remus noticed the tear tracks and quickly stood up and pulled the taller man into a much needed hug. Remus smiled realising the hug was being returned. After pulling away from Remus, Lucius turned towards Sirius and dropped his gaze to the floor.

"I will be transferring my magical energy to James tomorrow morning and I just thought you would like to know you would be getting your friend back." Lucius told them solemnly.

Remus was shocked. He turned to Sirius and noted his shocked expression.

"Lucius, you do know what will happen to you after you do this don't you? You understand that you will probably never wake up. Im not sure James would have wanted you to do this, I think he would have wanted you to keep on living" Remus told him, tears starting to well up in his eyes.

"Well that's just the thing isn't it, we don't know what James would have wanted because I killed him. So don't tell me what is best. You don't know me, you don't know what is best for me!" Lucius snarled at Remus.

"Don't talk to Remus like that, we're all hurting, this isn't just about you. We all loved him too" Sirius told a furius Lucius.

"I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM! WITH HIM GONE I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR" Lucius screamed at Sirius, who was standing with his arms around Remus.

Remus wiped his eyes and opened his mouth. "Look Lucius, I understand.."

" NO YOU DON'T! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! HE"S GONE AND ITS MY FAULT. I LOVE HIM!" Lucius cried as he collapsed on the ground, sobbing.

Remus slowly made his way towards the crying man and wrapped his arms around him.  
"Im so sorry Lucius, If you think it's the right thing to do, then we cant stop you" Remus told him as he run his fingers through his hair, trying to calm him down.Lucius picked himself up from the floor and helped Remus to his feet.  
"Id better be getting back to my room. I will see you two in the morning, Goodbye".

And with that Lucius left the common room and headed down to his Head Boy room to sleep.

* * *

"Mr Malfoy, are you sure that you want to do this?" The matron asked him as he gazed down at James's cold still form. He clasped James's hand in his own and nodded.

"Yes it's the only way". He let go of James's hand and sat down on the bed just to the side of him. Remus, Sirius and Severus were all in the room, here to say their goodbyes.

"Thankyou for everything, please make sure that James is happy" Lucius said as he closed his eyes. The matron picked up her wand and cast the spell over Lucius and James. A silver thread connected Lucius's heart to James and all the occupants in the room could see the colour returning to James's face.

As the colour was returning to James, the life was starting to drain out of Lucius. The matron said it could take several hours for the process to be completed and shooed the three of them out of the hospital wing.

* * *

The first thing James saw when he opened his eyes was a white tiled roof. He slowly realised he was in the hospital wing. "What the hell happened? Where is everyone?" James wondered as he looked around.

"James!" A voice called and James was suddenly smothered in a hug by his good friend Remus J Lupin. And a second later was jumped on by another of his good friends, Sirius Orion Black.

"Oh James, its so good to have you back. We really missed you. Severus as well but he had class and couldn't make it" Sirius told him as he hoped of the bed and pulled Remus with him.

James spent a couple of days in hospital recovering from what people had been calling his attempted suicide. The moment James had been discharged by the matron he had been searching for Lucius so he could tell him how he felt about him. James felt like he searched the caste from top to bottom but there was no sigh of one Lucius Malfoy anywhere.

Sirius and Remus were cuddling on the couch when James approached them on a Saturday afternoon. They both looked up when James cleared his throat.

"Have you two seen Lucius anywhere? I want to tell him how I feel and I cant find him anywhere" James asked his two best friends.

"James there's probably something that you should know about. Lucius is in a deep magical coma. He will most likely never wake up. Before you ask how he came to be this way? A day after you died he transferred his magical energy to you so that he could save your life" Sirius told him solemnly and pulling Remus to his chest and holding him.

James just stood there shocked. Lucius. Coma. Never waking up. That was the only thing on James mind as he ran out of the common room and in the direction of the hospital wing. As he reached the doors his heart rate started to speed up. He quietly opened the doors and was pointed to a small bed in the corner of the large hospital wing. As he approached the image that he was greeted with was burned into his memory forever.

Lucius was lying there, dead looking even thought James could see that he was breathing. No movement coming from him except the slow steady rhythm of his breathing.

* * *

Please Read and Review- that is the first chapter, please review and i will write more. 


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